This is the only way out of death. If A is not there, then there is no way except writing.
The only thing one could reassure that oneself is to say I am. In sanskrit, ‘I am’ translates to Aham Asmi (literally). Aham Brahma Asmi is i am unity, universe, versality itself.
The guy who said aham brahmasmi was on a real, positively accepted sublime experience.
The point were you have to accept that you are becoming everything/unity/universality/brahmam, that point is when you finally are giveen a chance to accept death gracefully. There is no use resisting, trying to run away. So, better face it gracefully. Just face it openly and accept it.
There is no choice at the end of one’s life. One has to accept the end. It is certain.
Or rather, this is the end that is the end of all choices. Choices run out here. The next step is certain death. It is possible to think about all these things when you are at the peak of your high, which is the death crisis.
If this is ego-death, then it means self-death, because once your ego (self awareness) is lost, you are lost. The ego is just a particular pattern. It dissolves in the infinite probability, and this is death. I am a person with an ego. So, in Malayalam ‘an ego’ means excessively active and dominating self. But if you were to really take the meaning of ’ego’ seriously, you would have known that ’ego’ just means existing, or ‘alive’.
All we have to stay conscious is to have one real relation with something/someone. This is will be your ground. A was my someone/and writing was my something. But writing was really scary. A was just cruel. No real grounds to call on.
How is everyday life connected to this?
You are all (the rest who have not realised this) merely unaware of the certainty of death. Once you come across this awareness, you are frightened, and then you know that this is the maximum you can know for sure. That each second is a possibility that you die. This is the only certain thing. So, the end is not the illumination, but the acceptance of death, and then, death.
Imagine a deck of slides which you are being shown. What you can see keeps repeating in different frames. Your self-awareness (you as the person Ananthajith, connected to xyz and so on and so forth) is just one of these many slides. Once you are shown as a reality (one same frame) of figure x again and again and again, you lose sense of your self. Which of these ones is the one which you are the concrete self that you always has been? You cannot say. This losing is the act of dying. The state of death is a permanent loss of link to the reality in which you have usually lived. That you may be inhabiting a random and thus unique one among the many same scenes no. And once you lose that, you are dead. Lose of sense of unique reality. This is the state of death.
You are in a/exists and takes up space (we humans deinitely do; we are embodied) in one random and thus unique reality. Death experience is when you are shown the ultimate reality which is that there are infinitely random and hence unique realities. Losing yourself in this expanse is the state of death. You are lost in a multitude of realities when you are dead. Others are just things which anchors us to one specific reality in which we are alive. Which we do not want to let go of. But are given high experiences through various means which is a loosening of these anchors. Death is the final of such experiences; the final, definite loosening.
This feeling, although highly terrifying, follows, if you are up for it, with a calm acceptance. After which you die for sure. That is, the ‘specific you’ you have known your entire life is lost (becomes one among an infinity of probablities and is lost like a needle in a haysack). You are totally relational. You never exist alone. You ‘are’ always in a specific reality constructed through relations between things and people. So, it is such a reality which is lost among the many upon death.
Connect this again to everyday reality, please.
Yeah, the import of this acceptance/glimpse of certain death is that we are all existing momentarily. Somehow we continue into every next moment. In one moment, we can die. The act of dying is not so elaborate, no? It is just a very momentary thing. Our entirety (the entire world including ourselves) exists in one moment alone. The next moment, everything becomes the next instance of themselves. So, the particuarity/uniqueness of our reality/self is lost when this infinity-state is realized.
This means that we must find stuff to give us joy in these relations which we have in this reality. That does not mean everything must be beautiful, but that if you find beauty anywhere, accept it. Be open to it so that you can spot it whenever you get a chance. Accept whatever is happening in this instance. Then move to the next second. Always keep this in mind—reality exists only in moments (seconds). A series of such seconds is what we call ‘we’, and reality, and all that. So, just stay open to grab the beautiful stuff. If bad stuff come your way, accept it. But if you see a crow carrying something in its beak, accept that that is beautiful. There is beauty in that.
How is A able to stay all distance-y with people? If everything is changing and all, why can’t he be nice? He shows his contempt, but still helps. So there is this ultimate nicety.
Why is death so frightening? Because we are emotionally committed to the things and people we are bound by. Just letting go of these things is not easy. We will lose everything for ever. This is the crisis at death. Just going ‘poof’. Into nothingness. And resisting it, rather than accepting it, just like how it is going to happen, is not what you ought to do. Just accept this happening, called death.
What happens if you do not resist? You die. What happens if you resist? There is no choice, you die anyways. But what happens if you give-in to this experience while you are having a near death experience, while you are biologically alive?
You go mad. You go mad. That is, you lose touch with the reality which you share with others, and they will just lock you up because what you say do not make sense to them.
There won’t be any ‘you’ to go through this once you are dead. At that moment there is only a third party consciousness. ‘You’ do not exist anymore. All that is left is a third-party consciousness. A view from nowhere. An endless static, an infinite probability. Just a storm of possibilities. Dissolution into the background.
Also, to get back to the sublime experience, just read carefully. Take words for what they mean, no need to hunt for parallels and all. Take words for what they mean and follow them through the sentence.
The act of dying is a unbearably heavy act. The only way to lessen it is to lean into it. But then that is all. That is it. The end.
To accept myself, I must finally accept that I could be dead. Coming to terms wiith my mortality.