for the upper castes, the struggle is for the affirmation of the old, a belief which is deeply brahmanical in nature and hence inherently hierarchical. (Gopal Guru, Humiliations)

The whole earth catalogue was one of the results and a catalyst of the counterculture movement and DIY aesthetics of the twentieth century. Since it was published in a land far removed from India, I don’t think many Indians had a chance to read the catalogue. Maybe the closest you can get to—not really, but maybe a little close—might be Wirecutter or Low Tech Magazine or 100rabbits. Or the Whole Earth Catalogue archive.

Well, it turns out that there is another kind of Whole Earth Catalogue that is widely available for free in *** departments. This is the catalogue of ‘reforming’ yourself. ‘Redeeming.’ A toolbox to bring all of your toxic stuff out which gets you through one of those ayahuasca ceremonies where you purge everything and begin life anew.

And this is done by a lot of well-meaning savarna women (mostly) whose hearts are broken the moment they know you are depressed. They pledge their never ending loyalty, they keep asking you about your health, whether the medications are still on, and so on. And for a lot of these people, “love” and “care” takes the form of pushing the boundaries of the depressed person. Stop hiding in your room and come out and see people and work in the lab, they say. So on and so forth. Are you working out these days? Eat proper meals. Be an adult. Sort your shit out. Hmm.

Islam says that meticulous attention to details is one of the requirements for a believer. That even if it means letting go of pleasurable things, one should be careful and not do the wrong things. I see why it is important and almost impossible to achieve this sort of attention. The primary reason is perhaps the humanness of humans. The mind wants to take the shortest route to establish connections and templates and memories. Language, which is structured like the mind (according to one school of thought) does the same thing and calls every book in the world a book. Economy of work. So a Malayali Male Intellectual (MMI) is just a MMI. There is no need to look for the differences, the cracks, the “slippages” and so on.

It is easier to understand and process the world when we have categories. But categories, famously, are really weak containers especially when you get to the walls of the container. But if we were to look so closely, that would mean spending hours in front of the container and watching the walls. It means no more “efficiency” or “professionalism.” Can’t really let go of those things, right?

Another hurdle on the way to this exactness is that it is something that cannot be claimed. You cannot claim you are being exact, because in this world there is no way anyone could be exact. Combine it with the “let those cast the stone” business, and you have an impossibly impossible position. This implies, I would guess, a sort of non-claim-ability of exactness. If you want to be exact, be exact, but do not claim exactness, or call others out for being not exact. This is sort of a radical detachment, a kind of love which values autonomy more than certainty.

I guess that means no more savarna bashing, because savarna is a category. Hmm.

What does this mean in Real Life? I would say that this means less talking, for sure. Maybe less posturing too. Fewer conflicts and accusations. But it means that chatty people will have a hard time, and that faith in the other would have to be at a all-time high. I don’t know whether that is possible. Well. Maybe it also means being not able to claim that I am “trying to survive in this Capitalist World.” Oh yeah, I would also have to toss this computer. And my books. And my underwear.

These games we play. Claims we make.